Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

What To Talk About Before Getting Married Or Committing To Your Partner

What To Talk About Before Getting Married Or Committing To Your Partner

Have The Right Conversations


In the beginning, it's often enough just to talk to each other about light-hearted topics. But once you've done that and have realized that you think you want to commit to your current partner, there are some important conversations you should have.

Some of these are more relevant to some couples than to others, but every relationship that wants to move from casual to committed should deal with each question in some way. If you find that you and your partner need more time on one topic than on others, that's fine, too.


Money


You've probably heard that every couple should discuss money before they make a lasting commitment to each other. Whether you've heard it so many times that it sounds like a cliche to you or this is the first time you've run across it, this is one conversation you must have.

By the time you get to this conversation, you probably have some sense of how your partner handles money. Think about what you've seen them do. Do they spend money spontaneously or research every nitpicking detail before they buy anything? Do they save and invest some of their income or does it all go toward living expenses or discretionary spending?

While observation is helpful for determining how your partner works in this area, be sure to talk about these issues, too. You don't have to be on exactly the same page for your relationship to work, but it helps to know where you're both coming from.


Past Relationships


This is a topic that many people are afraid to discuss with their current partner. While you don't want to go on and on about how great a past relationship or partner was, you and your significant other should talk about how your relationships went in the past and what you hope goes differently this time around.

The fear of having this conversation might still linger even after you've started talking. It can be helpful to remember that, if by some strange chance your partner won't commit to you after hearing about your past, they are probably not someone you wanted to be with anyway.


Religion


This is another big topic that many couples shy away from. However, if you're going to be in a committed relationship, you'll need to know where the other person is regarding religion. 

Many couples agree to disagree, but it's still important to know where your partner is coming from in this area and to let them know where you're at, too.


Future Plans


When you're thinking about committing to a long-term relationship with someone, it's good to know that they are heading in a direction you can support. While it's unlikely that you will both be going in exactly the same direction, that's not necessary for a solid, loving relationship. 

As long as your partner isn't planning something that's diametrically opposed to your own plans, the relationship can be a success.


What You Care About?


In addition to the topics outlined above, be sure to discuss with your partner anything you care about deeply. If it would affect your lives together, bring it up and see how your partner feels about it.

Being Friends With Your Partner - Is It A Good Thing For Your Relationship Or Not

Being Friends With Your Partner - Is It A Good Thing For Your Relationship Or Not

Pursue Common Interests


When you're in the process of building trust and getting to know each other, hopefully you'll also start building a close friendship with your partner. If you're going to commit to a long-term relationship and work at building true love, make sure you're doing it with someone who you not only love, but also like and enjoy spending time with. 

In an extended relationship, it can be this sort of deep friendship that holds things together when times are tough or you feel like the spark is gone.

One of the best ways to build a friendship is to pursue common interests. When you're specifically working at making a casual relationship deeper, working to build common interests from the ground up can be especially effective. Thus, it will pay off for the two of you to spend some time learning something new together.

Make Sure The Interest Is Common


While there's definitely a place for both of you to pursue something that only one of you is interested in, when building a new interest you should make sure it's something that you both really want to do. Most likely, one of you will be more interested in it than the other one is, but it still should be something both parties have a legitimate interest in.

Find Something To Learn


The possibilities for interests you can pursue together are endless. You can learn everything from dancing to pottery to gardening to a foreign language and more! If you're not sure where to start, it can help to look through the catalog of a local community college. While you might not want to do something as serious as taking a class together, it will give you a good idea of the different interests you could pursue.

There are also lots of ways for the two of your to pursue your interests. You can take a class, hire a tutor, find a friend who knows what they're doing and convince them to work with you, or try to teach yourselves.
 
Some interests, like learning a foreign language, will be better pursued through some sort of formal means while others, like learning to cook Thai food together, are things you could probably teach yourselves.

Get Serious


It's easy to say that you're going to pursue learning something new, but that's much harder to do in actual practice. If you're serious about building a solid friendship with your significant other, though, you'll also want to be serious about learning your new thing together.

Ask your partner to keep you accountable and be willing to do the same for them. This doesn't mean that you have to hound one another, but it can help you remember to do things like scheduling time focused on your interest and collecting materials between times.

In the process of learning something new together, you will not only find knowledge you didn't have before, but you'll also build part of the foundation for a close friendship with your partner. This friendship will help you commit to each other, forming another aspect of true love.


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